Love Stings

“Can I do this?” Gloria Sharon took a deep breath and tried the door. It was locked, as she’d expected. She retrieved the spare key that Allan Tom kept under the plant pot on the landing and opened the door, remembering at the last minute to replace it before going inside.

The flat was gloomy, but not quite dark yet and she knew her way around well enough not to need to turn on the lights. She made her way straight to the bedroom and looked around. He was quite tidy for a guy. The bed was unmade as always, but the bed linen was clean enough. She straightened the sheet, shook the pillows and duvet and was pleased to see that it looked very inviting. Everything was ready. The bedside clocked showed 6:30. She guessed she had about half an hour before he’d be in from work. The beauty of working together at the hospital meant that it had been easy to find out what shift he was on. Being mates, he’d have told her anyway, but this was to be a surprise and she hadn’t wanted to spoil it by alerting him. It had been safer to check the roster.

The plastic carrier bag she had brought with her lay on the floor, and she picked it up now and examined its contents. Removing the labels from the white lace bra and panties, she laid her purchases on the bed and started to undress. She loved the feel of the new lingerie and couldn’t help glancing at her reflection in the full-length mirror that stood opposite the bed. Shoving her clothes into the bag and stowing it under the bed she slipped under the duvet and lay back knowing that in a matter of minutes she would be giving her best friend the surprise of his life.

She couldn’t quite remember when her feelings for Allan Tom had changed. She felt a little guilty about not confiding in Terry Lisa. They had been friends for ages, all three of them, working and socializing together. Things might be difficult after tonight, but Terry Lisa would understand. Friendship was one thing, but love was another and Gloria Sharon had come to realize that she loved Allan Tom. Anyway, there was no reason why they couldn’t all still be friends. It’s not as if she and Allan Tom would be running away and leaving Terry Lisa to her own devices. They’d just carry on as before, but every now and again they’d have a little ‘alone time’, like tonight. She shivered in delicious anticipation and closed her eyes, just for a minute or two.

The sound of laughter in the living room pulled her from her reverie and glancing at the clock, she realized that she had been asleep for half an hour. Allan Tom was home, but he was obviously not alone. This could be tricky, but maybe his guest wouldn’t stay long. Gloria Sharon crept out of bed and listened at the door.

“I’m intrigued,” Allan Tom was still laughing. “Where on earth did you get that idea?”

His companion didn’t reply. “Well, you were wrong, anyway. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?”

Gloria Sharon strained to hear what was going on, but the voices sounded muffled now and she guessed that they had moved to the kitchen. Turning the handle slowly, she managed to open the door slightly, without making a sound. She couldn’t see them, but she could hear the rattle of cups, and she could smell the coffee they were making. Twitching with curiosity and frustration, she looked around her trying to decide what to do. Surely, the guest wouldn’t stay long. Allan Tom never had visitors. His social life revolved around Gloria Sharon, Terry Lisa and the hospital’s social club. He’d never spoken of any family or even mentioned any other friends.

They were back in the living room, but they weren’t talking. Pushing the door a little wider, Gloria Sharon peered through the crack. She could see the back of Allan Tom’s head and his left arm stretched out along the top of the sofa. She couldn’t see his companion at all, but she heard the distinctly feminine giggles emerging from somewhere in close proximity to him. She watched as his shoulder stiffened and he let out a deep sigh.

“Hey, not so fast, love,” he gasped. “We’ve got all evening.” He sank down out of sight and there was no further conversation.

Gloria Sharon pulled back from the door; a cold shiver ran down her spine as she realized her position. Her only thought now was escape, but that was going to prove very difficult. The bedroom opened onto the living room, and the front door was on the opposite side of the room. She was stuck, unless she dared to try to sneak past the couple on the sofa. Whatever she did, she would have to get dressed first. She started to move towards the bed when she heard Allan Tom’s voice again.

“I’ve got to take a shower and change. I won’t take long.” He was coming this way. Gloria Sharon dived under the bed. This evening was rapidly turning into a total disaster. Trying not to fidget or breathe too loudly, she lay in the dark and dusty space with her face resting on the plastic bag that contained her clothes and the memory of her romantic plans. How could she have been so stupid? Silent tears and perspiration made the bag stick to her skin but she couldn’t risk moving. She could see Allan Tom’s reflection as he undressed. Even now, the sight of him, in his black Calvin Klein boxers, was enough to take away what little breath she had left. She watched, immobilized as he removed his underwear, revealing his firm buttocks and headed for the bathroom. She risked a sigh as she heard the water running and wondered again about escaping but the bedroom door opened and Allan Tom’s guest came in.

Gloria Sharon’s heart lurched as she watched, unable to escape or look away. The woman slipped out of her uniform and placed it on a chair. She took a brush from her handbag and moved to the mirror to do her hair. Gloria Sharon could see immediately that her rival had chosen the same lingerie for this seduction as she had, but her white lace was till pristine, while Gloria Sharon’s was soiled with dust and sweat and embarrassment. How much longer would she have to endure this? She knew it was her own fault. She had carried her fantasy too far. She finally managed to close her eyes and shut out the images that were sure to follow. If only she could have closed her ears to block the sounds.

It was 8.30 when she slid out of her hiding place, creeping across the room clutching her carrier bag. Neither of the bed’s occupants moved as she slipped out of the room and dressed before letting herself out.
As she got home, she received a text message. “Coming down the club? Terry and I will be there
in half an hour. ALLAN.

Roots of Wedding Traditions

My best childhood friend is getting married in December, and for the past few months a lot of my time involves wedding “stuff”. Along the way of my new preoccupation, I developed a curiosity about the history of wedding traditions, and learnt a lot of interesting facts.

The engagement ring stems from medieval times, when the groom would pay for a bride’s hand in marriage. Part of this payment would include precious stones as a symbol of intent to marry. During the ceremony, the groom would place the wedding ring on three of the bride’s fingers, symbolizing God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. The ring would then remain on the third finger, the ring finger. Diamond engagement rings originated with the medieval Italians, who believed that the diamond was created in the Flames of Love.

Ancient Romans believed that the vein in the third finger of the left hand led directly to the heart; therefore, this became the wedding ring finger. The placing of rings on this finger by the bride and groom joined the couple’s hearts and destinies.

Bridal showers stem from early Holland where, if a bride’s father did not approve of her choice and refused to provide her with a dowry, her friends would shower her with gifts in an effort to build her dowry. The term “bridal shower” was not actually used until the 1890s, when during one such event; the bride’s gifts were placed inside a parasol which was opened over the bride’s head, showering her with gifts.

The bachelor party initiated in fifth century Sparta, when military friends would celebrate with one another on the eve of a comrade’s wedding, toasting his last hours of freedom, and during which time, the groom-to-be would swear continued allegiance to his comrades.

In Anglo-Saxon times, if women were in short supply in a community, a bachelor would capture a bride from a nearby community, aided by a warrior companion, his best man. The best man would stay by the groom’s side during the wedding ceremony, in case the bride’s family attacked the wedding party, attempting to retake the bride. After the wedding, the best man would stand guard outside the newly married couple’s home, where they would stay in hiding long enough for the captured bride to become impregnated (the honeymoon period).

The first best men and ushers (called bridesmen or bridesknights) were used more as a militia, to fight off the bride’s angry relatives during the days when brides were captured for marriage. The women who helped the bride prepare for the ceremony were called bridesmaids or brideswomen.

During the wedding ceremony, the groom would place the captured bride on his left side and hold onto her with his left hand, so he could use his right hand (or sword hand) for defense in case of attack. Apparently, there weren’t many left-handed grooms back then. Thus, the tradition of the bride on the left and the groom on the right was born.

Bridesmaids dressed like the bride and ushers and best men dressed like the groom, to confuse jealous suitors or evil spirits attempting to harm the newlyweds.

The new, and reluctant, captured bride would usually have to be carried (sometimes dragged) over the threshold to the bridal chamber by her husband; thus the tradition of carrying the bride over the threshold.

In biblical times, the bride and groom wore a blue band around the bottom of their wedding attire, as blue was thought to represent purity. Thus, the something blue was born.

As for the white wedding dress, this was made popular in 1499 by Anne of Brittany. White does not symbolize chastity but joy.

In Roman times, a bride’s veil covered her from head to toe and, upon her death, would become her burial shroud.

During the Anglo-Saxon days, the veil was used during arranged marriages, where oftentimes the groom was not allowed to see the bride until the wedding ceremony, when he lifted the veil. In many cases, the bride was used as barter, in exchange for political alliance, land, social status or currency. The word “wedding” derives from the root term meaning wager or gamble.

The bridal bouquet was once a mixture of garlic, grains and herbs in an effort to drive evil spirits away. This eventually gave way to flowers, which symbolize fertility and everlasting love.

The tradition of giving the bride away by the father is embedded in the archaic notion that a daughter was her father’s property, transferred to the groom upon her wedding.

The garter toss came about during the 14th century, when it was customary for the bride to toss her garter to the men attending the ceremony.

Preceding and during the Middle Ages, it only took both partners stating their consent to be spouse to one another for a marriage to take place. The more traditional marriage involving a priest or minister didn’t become church policy until the 15th century.

In the early days of Great Britain, in rural areas where priests and ministers were rare, handfasting was a popular ritual, marrying the couple for one year and a day. The couple would join hands, right to right and left to left, forming the infinity symbol. After the year and day were up, they could renew their marriage permanently or for another year and day. Handfasting was the accepted form of marriage until the early 1500’s.

Ancient Romans would break a cake of wheat or barley over the bride’s head as a symbol of her fertility. It became tradition to stack cakes atop one another, forming a tower as tall as possible. The bride and groom were then to kiss over the tower. If they did so without knocking it down, a lifetime of good fortune was ensured. It was only during the reign of King Charles II of England that the wedding cake became an edible part of the ceremony, at which time, it was covered with sugar icing.

Honeymoons are linked back to ancient-time Teutonics. Weddings at that time were always held under the full moon, and afterward, the bride and groom would drink honey wine for one full moon cycle, or one month. Thus, honeymoon. Every tradition and practice has their roots. It was enlightening an experience to learn all these origins wedding traditions.

The Shadow

It was a bright sunny day when the Shadow slipped into the house. The sun shone brightly through the window and flowers scented the house with lavender. The intruder crept through the house; silent. A girl lay sprawled across the couch, a smile on her face, a book in her hand. The Shadow grinned in anticipation. Laughing with glee, it slipped into the girl’s soul. The Shadow reached into the depths and began talking to the girl. A whisper, as quiet as the wind, but as deadly as a double edged sword. The voice, dripping with poison, spoke of horrible things. It spoke of her fears, strange fears, no one knew about. But the girl did not hear. She continued with her day, not realizing the sinister force that had taken over her.

The sky, now black as coal, was full of stars. The house was silent and dark; a silent ghost wondered around the house. The girl had awoken from a restless slumber. Nightmares had driven sleep away. Moving from room to room, she saw the monsters that haunted her. Her monsters were not demons and creatures of the night. Hers were her family and friends. Telling her she is worthless. Telling her she is not good enough. Telling her to die. As she wondered, the ghost of her former self slowly slipped away.

The sun slowly began to rise. As it rose, the girl’s fear slowly melted away. The Shadow’s grip lessened and the girl began her day. Her day was like every other school day. None of her friends noticed anything. She was her usual self, just a little tired. The girl didn’t say anything, she was afraid to. She didn’t want people to worry and she thought they didn’t care. The Shadow’s relentless whispering bothered her, but she didn’t show it. The girl noticed the little things around her. The small things that made the world seem dark. The sneer on a girl’s face after talking to a friend. The faded bruises left on the face of a small boy, put there by an abusive father. A girl’s ribs sticking through her clothes from not getting enough to eat. The girl noticed all of these things, and as the sunshine became darker, the shadow’s voice became louder.

Many weeks passed. The girl was no longer her usual self. Sensing her weakness, her friends began to bully her, telling her to go away, that she wasn’t good enough, to go die. The girl was horrified. She realised her nightmares were becoming a reality. At home, she withdrew from her family and, with a face grubby with tears, the girl drew a knife to her wrist and sliced herself. The blood fell to the floor in crimson drops, staining the white tiles. The girl was flooded with relief and the darkness surrounding her seemed to dim. The girl crawled into her bed, exhausted, and fell into a restless sleep.

The girl’s days became a pattern. She would go to school and suffer through the taunts and leers. Go home to an empty house, and cut herself, on her upper leg, the scarlet blood standing out against the paleness of her old scars. The Shadow giggled in delight as the girl sank further into the darkness. Her hair became lank, her skin paled and her eyes became bloodshot from lack of sleep. The girl never laughed and seldom smiled. The Shadow had taken over, now yelling at her, screaming bile, shattering her mind. Headaches from the constant yelling. Her head pounding, her heart sinking, her pure soul now completely lost.

The girl came home to the silent house. Her former friends had been relentless today and had shown no mercy. The girl sank to her knees and began to cry, her tears tasting salty on her tongue. The Shadow saw her weakness and saw it’s chance. It called to Death, called for it to come. It materialized in front of the girl, it’s hood black as the cavity of where it’s soul should have been. It’s seraph blade shone in the afternoon sunshine and it reached out a pale skeletal hand. It called to the girl, called her name, in a soothing voice. It told her that all of her problems could disappear, nothing would ever bother her again, she just had to take his hand. The girl glanced around the room. The past, her former self, smiled out of the pictures on the walls. Her promise showed in the pictures, her friends looking at her adoringly, but now that was all gone. Slowly, hesitating, the girl stretched out her hand and her young one grasped the hand of the other standing before her.

The afternoon sun was warm, the birds sang in the trees, as a scream rang out through the house. The mother was on her knees, crying, as she held her daughters head in her lap, her hand still holding onto the blade, spiking out of her stomach. As the puddle of blood slowly spread across the floor, and the girl gasped her last breath, the Shadow left her, searching for another victim to claim.

After investigations, police later determined that the girl committed suicide, after psychologists diagnosed her with depression

Hitler Mentality

There is public evidence for a Hitler mentality that actively seeks to eliminate other people or populations deemed unfit or useless. I dare say that the push for legal ‘safe’ abortion originates from this mentality. What is Hitler mentality? Understanding this mentality is crucial if you want to understand bio-ethical controversies like abortion, euthanasia, stem-cell research, cloning, sterilisation, contraceptives, population control etc.

I have called it the ‘Hitler’ mentality not because Adolf Hitler was the protagonist of the idea but because he epitomised and acted according to it. This mentality states, “Low-quality human life is not worth living or supporting”. Society is better off without such “useless” lives than to be burdened with care and support for them.

In bio-ethical debates, we have those with the quality-of-life view on one side and on the other side those with the sanctity-of-life view. For example, one can look at the same pregnancy and say the baby is better off not born (aborted) because it is deformed or ‘unwanted/unplanned/unintended. If the unborn baby is unplanned or born in a poor family that is not ready to have a baby, then the quality of the life of the baby would be low because of lack of love or proper care, so kill it.

The sanctity-of-life view, however, says no one has the right to decide that another person’s life is of low quality. All life is sacred. Besides, killing a person is not a proper solution for their deformity, disease or poverty. Therefore, the baby must live. Period!

The Fuehrer, Adolf Hitler, said there were people whose “lives were not worth living”. He masterminded the extermination of the disabled, the sickly, the mentality insane, gypsies, slaves, blacks, homosexual, Jews and others totaling over 12 million because he was convinced their lives were of low quality and polluting the high quality lives of Aryans/Nordics/whites.

Hitler sterilized by force over 500,000 people deemed unfit and feeble minded - the undesirables- so that they do not reproduce their 'bad blood'. He forced abortions on non-Aryans women while banning abortions for their Germanic race. They created ‘stud-farms’ where studs/men impregnated as many Aryans as they decreased the non-Aryans.

It was the Nazis who coined the phrase "freedom of choice" to encourage abortions and use of contraceptives in Poland, in Hitler’s words, "as we could not possibly have the slightest interest in increasing the non-Germanic population".

Ancient philosophers like Plato were of the quality-of-life view (Hitler mentality). He authorized that artificial breeding can lead to the master race just like dogs can be bred to get better dogs implying that there were low quality humans. His student, Aristotle, also shared those views, stating there must be a "limit fixed to the procreation of offspring" otherwise abortion must be practiced to control population of the commoners.

Ancient laws like, “The Twelve Tables of Roman Law” stated that, ”deformed infants shall be killed.” These laws explicitly also gave permission to the fathers to get rid of any female infant. Female infants were abandoned more than the males until Christian opposition led to the banning of infanticide and child abandonment acceptable in Greece, Rome, India, China and Japan.

After Christianity won the battle for the sanctity of life; abortion, infanticide and baby dumping were banned in 374 AD. The world has largely retained that sanctity of life until recent times. In 1795, a fanatical atheist, Marquis De Sade, father of modern pornography, sexual freedom movement and abortion, published a book elevating abortion to public discussion. He boldly said, "it is not unjust, I say, to prevent the arrival in the world of a being that will certainly be useless to it.  He proceeded to assert that, "every individual who is born without the qualities needed to be valuable someday to the republic has no right to live. And the best we can do is to end his life the very instant he receives it."

De Sade continued, "dread not infanticide; the crime is imaginary. Giving the abortion movement their arguments, he wrote, "we became as certain the masters of this lump of flesh (foetus) - no matter how animated- as we are the masters of the nails we cut from our fingers, or the digestives we expel from our innards, that’s because they all come from us and they belong to us, and we are the sole owner of whatever derives from us.

This godless Sade cited Aristotle in support of his views and he greatly influenced western thought from that point on. Ask yourself who funds the technological and scientific developments of modern contraceptives and abortion methods. 

Childhood Memories

Many years ago before I hit teenage years, my parents rented a pleasant new apartment. It was a big stoned house and surrounded by shacks and mud houses. This was in Manyatta, Kisumu City.

Although this house was big (or at least it was through my child-sized eyes) it only had one bedroom. Later we moved into a bigger one with extra bedrooms to support our family of three kids but on our first night, I shared the room with my older sister; while my parents slumbered with my baby sister in the master bedroom.

But on that night I had a dream that has haunted me to this day – several decades later. In the dream I awoke to hear a call for my name coming from the veranda. Between the room where I lay and the distressed voice, was the living room. Although my heart was racing, the distance between it and me gave comfort.

This voice had an odd intonation – almost a cry like, but it would continually call ‘Allan Tom’ in a chilling monotone, followed by a command ‘come here’ in a bizarre rising inflection.

Eventually I fell back to sleep until the voice called out again, this time from the living room. I speculated on why my sister had not woken, while I covered myself under the comforter, sweating and shaking. Eventually I fell back to sleep.

I remember as a child that I’d regularly see shapes moving and dancing in the darkness. At times I’d hear footsteps advancing towards my bed before fading suddenly. As I roused for the third time, the silhouette of a man peered at me. I hid under the covers too frightened to call to my sister asleep in the same room.

When morning came my bed sheets were drenched in perspiration. It so happened that even on warmer nights I‘d wrap myself in the duvet like an onion.

 Although I cannot elucidate what really triggered this freaky reoccurring dream, as a child it was easier to accept that maybe there was a ghost in our house.

As the years rolled on in that charming home, on several nights that I had stayed up to study, whenever I looked on the wall I always had a feeling that the photos, calendar and the artwork were not in their very position and that they kept changing. When my parents had turned off the lights and wished us goodnight, I’d see a shadow of a man on my window. Was my mind pulling a prank on me?

 I used to have a favourite spot to watch television. It was at the corner of the couch. The main door to my left. The door knob to that room would often turn while I sat there, although no one had their hand on it. The door itself would never open but the handle would slowly rotate, eventually giving me a sense that someone else lived in the house, and this someone was looking out for me.

Happiness is a choice

Every human being in this cosmic space is in search of happiness. Everything we do is to fill up our measure of happiness: go to work, practice hobbies, cultivate friendships, buy things, and reach for dreams. In fact, every thought and decision we make is ultimately for the outcome of our personal happiness. When I consider our current society, I see people riding on one another’s necks and pressing one another to death to get foremost in this race called life. Individualism and cut-throat competition. Yet, people are not satisfied.

I have been a critical observer, thanks to my Sociology studies, there is dissatisfaction all around. Take a keen look at your neighborhood, when you are in town, or at the folks you interact with and crown my statement true. People who own fancy cars like a Bugatti are no happier than owners of a cheap, economical, Indian Maruti. Those who live in bigger expensive apartments are no happier than those who live in smaller ones or shacks. Powerful and influential people who rub shoulders with the higher echelons of the society are no more satisfied than average citizens. Cover girls and models are no happier than plain women; in fact, they may even be less happy.

A counselor once told me that he had a patient who was as beautiful as any woman he had ever seen, in magazines or in the movies. Gorgeous was an understatement. She was intelligent and charismatic. She had both beauty and brains. However, she spent her life being tormented by the mere possibility that she may come across another woman who was more beautiful than her. He also dealt with a large number of extremely wealthy people and observed that they were perhaps some of the most miserable clients that he had ever encountered.

In the autobiography of the famous basketball player Wilt Chamberlain, he wrote he enjoyed sexual relationships with what he guessed to be over a thousand women. One may well guess that some of these women were probably quite good at sensual arts. Why wouldn't ten suffice, or even twenty?

Kings and presidents lust for more power and cause wars. They assassinate and build circles of sycophants but never are they satisfied. The wealthiest embezzle to get more. The greed game with the inverted pyramid of the worlds’ wealth distribution. Even with all they have, they struggle to be happy.

 In our day some of the most influential people have died attempting to fill their void, but in the wrong way. People like Elvis Presley, Whitney Houston, and Heath Ledger. We have seen billionaires and even top leaders of nations taking their own lives.

If left untreated, the void of happiness can result not only in the death of oneself but of others as well. I boldly say this, it is usually those who are hurting who hurt others. Truly happy people have no reason but to love and to share it unconditionally.

Everybody is peculiar in their own way. People have different personalities and some are prone to be more optimistic and happier than others. However I would like to emphasize, happiness is primarily what we learn. It is a matter of discarding bad habits and replacing them with good and healthy ones. Simply a choice.

Some people are also born into better circumstances or with better physical conditions than others, but if you choose to apply the principles of happiness that are presented in the book ‘’Adventures of Being’’ written by Alfredo Rubio and seek to live differently from the majority of mankind, you can be happier than those who may have had those things handed to them. The first remedy he presents is that we should appreciate our existence and the circumstances that helped bring us forth. Changing our life is a goal within reach, we can learn from our history and presence instead of living in resentment and blaming others.

The benefits of happiness are all encompassing. Research reveals that happiness promotes enhanced brain function and better memory. On the other hand, depression, fear, and stress paralyze both the mind and the body. Healthy emotion impacts every area of one’s life: mental, physical, financial, etc. When happy, you think and act better. That is why the happier you are the more successful you will be. The reward of our pursuit of happiness is worth its weight in gold—certainly it is a goal worthy of our highest endeavor. If you learn to be happy, you will be more excited, and more successful than you have ever been before.