Roots of Wedding Traditions

My best childhood friend is getting married in December, and for the past few months a lot of my time involves wedding “stuff”. Along the way of my new preoccupation, I developed a curiosity about the history of wedding traditions, and learnt a lot of interesting facts.

The engagement ring stems from medieval times, when the groom would pay for a bride’s hand in marriage. Part of this payment would include precious stones as a symbol of intent to marry. During the ceremony, the groom would place the wedding ring on three of the bride’s fingers, symbolizing God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. The ring would then remain on the third finger, the ring finger. Diamond engagement rings originated with the medieval Italians, who believed that the diamond was created in the Flames of Love.

Ancient Romans believed that the vein in the third finger of the left hand led directly to the heart; therefore, this became the wedding ring finger. The placing of rings on this finger by the bride and groom joined the couple’s hearts and destinies.

Bridal showers stem from early Holland where, if a bride’s father did not approve of her choice and refused to provide her with a dowry, her friends would shower her with gifts in an effort to build her dowry. The term “bridal shower” was not actually used until the 1890s, when during one such event; the bride’s gifts were placed inside a parasol which was opened over the bride’s head, showering her with gifts.

The bachelor party initiated in fifth century Sparta, when military friends would celebrate with one another on the eve of a comrade’s wedding, toasting his last hours of freedom, and during which time, the groom-to-be would swear continued allegiance to his comrades.

In Anglo-Saxon times, if women were in short supply in a community, a bachelor would capture a bride from a nearby community, aided by a warrior companion, his best man. The best man would stay by the groom’s side during the wedding ceremony, in case the bride’s family attacked the wedding party, attempting to retake the bride. After the wedding, the best man would stand guard outside the newly married couple’s home, where they would stay in hiding long enough for the captured bride to become impregnated (the honeymoon period).

The first best men and ushers (called bridesmen or bridesknights) were used more as a militia, to fight off the bride’s angry relatives during the days when brides were captured for marriage. The women who helped the bride prepare for the ceremony were called bridesmaids or brideswomen.

During the wedding ceremony, the groom would place the captured bride on his left side and hold onto her with his left hand, so he could use his right hand (or sword hand) for defense in case of attack. Apparently, there weren’t many left-handed grooms back then. Thus, the tradition of the bride on the left and the groom on the right was born.

Bridesmaids dressed like the bride and ushers and best men dressed like the groom, to confuse jealous suitors or evil spirits attempting to harm the newlyweds.

The new, and reluctant, captured bride would usually have to be carried (sometimes dragged) over the threshold to the bridal chamber by her husband; thus the tradition of carrying the bride over the threshold.

In biblical times, the bride and groom wore a blue band around the bottom of their wedding attire, as blue was thought to represent purity. Thus, the something blue was born.

As for the white wedding dress, this was made popular in 1499 by Anne of Brittany. White does not symbolize chastity but joy.

In Roman times, a bride’s veil covered her from head to toe and, upon her death, would become her burial shroud.

During the Anglo-Saxon days, the veil was used during arranged marriages, where oftentimes the groom was not allowed to see the bride until the wedding ceremony, when he lifted the veil. In many cases, the bride was used as barter, in exchange for political alliance, land, social status or currency. The word “wedding” derives from the root term meaning wager or gamble.

The bridal bouquet was once a mixture of garlic, grains and herbs in an effort to drive evil spirits away. This eventually gave way to flowers, which symbolize fertility and everlasting love.

The tradition of giving the bride away by the father is embedded in the archaic notion that a daughter was her father’s property, transferred to the groom upon her wedding.

The garter toss came about during the 14th century, when it was customary for the bride to toss her garter to the men attending the ceremony.

Preceding and during the Middle Ages, it only took both partners stating their consent to be spouse to one another for a marriage to take place. The more traditional marriage involving a priest or minister didn’t become church policy until the 15th century.

In the early days of Great Britain, in rural areas where priests and ministers were rare, handfasting was a popular ritual, marrying the couple for one year and a day. The couple would join hands, right to right and left to left, forming the infinity symbol. After the year and day were up, they could renew their marriage permanently or for another year and day. Handfasting was the accepted form of marriage until the early 1500’s.

Ancient Romans would break a cake of wheat or barley over the bride’s head as a symbol of her fertility. It became tradition to stack cakes atop one another, forming a tower as tall as possible. The bride and groom were then to kiss over the tower. If they did so without knocking it down, a lifetime of good fortune was ensured. It was only during the reign of King Charles II of England that the wedding cake became an edible part of the ceremony, at which time, it was covered with sugar icing.

Honeymoons are linked back to ancient-time Teutonics. Weddings at that time were always held under the full moon, and afterward, the bride and groom would drink honey wine for one full moon cycle, or one month. Thus, honeymoon. Every tradition and practice has their roots. It was enlightening an experience to learn all these origins wedding traditions.

The Shadow

It was a bright sunny day when the Shadow slipped into the house. The sun shone brightly through the window and flowers scented the house with lavender. The intruder crept through the house; silent. A girl lay sprawled across the couch, a smile on her face, a book in her hand. The Shadow grinned in anticipation. Laughing with glee, it slipped into the girl’s soul. The Shadow reached into the depths and began talking to the girl. A whisper, as quiet as the wind, but as deadly as a double edged sword. The voice, dripping with poison, spoke of horrible things. It spoke of her fears, strange fears, no one knew about. But the girl did not hear. She continued with her day, not realizing the sinister force that had taken over her.

The sky, now black as coal, was full of stars. The house was silent and dark; a silent ghost wondered around the house. The girl had awoken from a restless slumber. Nightmares had driven sleep away. Moving from room to room, she saw the monsters that haunted her. Her monsters were not demons and creatures of the night. Hers were her family and friends. Telling her she is worthless. Telling her she is not good enough. Telling her to die. As she wondered, the ghost of her former self slowly slipped away.

The sun slowly began to rise. As it rose, the girl’s fear slowly melted away. The Shadow’s grip lessened and the girl began her day. Her day was like every other school day. None of her friends noticed anything. She was her usual self, just a little tired. The girl didn’t say anything, she was afraid to. She didn’t want people to worry and she thought they didn’t care. The Shadow’s relentless whispering bothered her, but she didn’t show it. The girl noticed the little things around her. The small things that made the world seem dark. The sneer on a girl’s face after talking to a friend. The faded bruises left on the face of a small boy, put there by an abusive father. A girl’s ribs sticking through her clothes from not getting enough to eat. The girl noticed all of these things, and as the sunshine became darker, the shadow’s voice became louder.

Many weeks passed. The girl was no longer her usual self. Sensing her weakness, her friends began to bully her, telling her to go away, that she wasn’t good enough, to go die. The girl was horrified. She realised her nightmares were becoming a reality. At home, she withdrew from her family and, with a face grubby with tears, the girl drew a knife to her wrist and sliced herself. The blood fell to the floor in crimson drops, staining the white tiles. The girl was flooded with relief and the darkness surrounding her seemed to dim. The girl crawled into her bed, exhausted, and fell into a restless sleep.

The girl’s days became a pattern. She would go to school and suffer through the taunts and leers. Go home to an empty house, and cut herself, on her upper leg, the scarlet blood standing out against the paleness of her old scars. The Shadow giggled in delight as the girl sank further into the darkness. Her hair became lank, her skin paled and her eyes became bloodshot from lack of sleep. The girl never laughed and seldom smiled. The Shadow had taken over, now yelling at her, screaming bile, shattering her mind. Headaches from the constant yelling. Her head pounding, her heart sinking, her pure soul now completely lost.

The girl came home to the silent house. Her former friends had been relentless today and had shown no mercy. The girl sank to her knees and began to cry, her tears tasting salty on her tongue. The Shadow saw her weakness and saw it’s chance. It called to Death, called for it to come. It materialized in front of the girl, it’s hood black as the cavity of where it’s soul should have been. It’s seraph blade shone in the afternoon sunshine and it reached out a pale skeletal hand. It called to the girl, called her name, in a soothing voice. It told her that all of her problems could disappear, nothing would ever bother her again, she just had to take his hand. The girl glanced around the room. The past, her former self, smiled out of the pictures on the walls. Her promise showed in the pictures, her friends looking at her adoringly, but now that was all gone. Slowly, hesitating, the girl stretched out her hand and her young one grasped the hand of the other standing before her.

The afternoon sun was warm, the birds sang in the trees, as a scream rang out through the house. The mother was on her knees, crying, as she held her daughters head in her lap, her hand still holding onto the blade, spiking out of her stomach. As the puddle of blood slowly spread across the floor, and the girl gasped her last breath, the Shadow left her, searching for another victim to claim.

After investigations, police later determined that the girl committed suicide, after psychologists diagnosed her with depression